I want to discuss and share with you all about adoptions. I will try my best to make it as close as possible to the situation minus the name change to protect privacy of the said people.
For the start, you may just call me Precious. Yes, very precious in the eyes of my God and all my lovely friends.
Let me share with you my story. I was adopted to my present family when I was just crossed over as one month old. My adoptive mom is sister to my biological mom. For some reason, I was brought to my current mom by my grandma. No ones tells me my background even though I have always suspect something is "fishy" whenever we visits my grandma and the relatives back then.
Only at my late teens was I informed by my grandma about my real parents. She have also instructed me not to let my adoptive mom knows about her informing me.
So, you could have imagine what is happening all inside me. Being a teenager, besides having to cope with all a teenager will have to face, now comes the biggest life issue !! What make matter worst is I am "barred" from asking further. Who can I talk to? Who can I unload?
As I looked back, I have chosen to "numb" my feelings. Denying the truth. But the truth remains. I started to resent my family especially my parents. What makes matters worst is that my adoptive dad have placed a high expectations on me in every expects especially in monetary wise.
A few years after the truth was revealed to me, my biological dad have some sort of illness and yet my adoptive parents didn't break the news to me. A couple of months after he was admitted to the hospital, he passed away. Now, try imagining how my biological's family feelings will be. I found out later that they were very upset towards my adoptive parents for the simple reason of them not revealing the truth to me so that I can make peace with my dying dad.
I got stuck in between. Infact, I don't know how to respond even at the funeral. I felt so helpless. So distant. So alone.
I have successfully hide this for few years and for the same period I have also successfully numb myself not to shead a single tears. Yes. Not a single tears.
I always wonder, how different it will be should they have inform me much earlier. Life will be much easier for everybody. I need not bear the load for so long. Upsetting my entire emotional system just to please them. I was like a teenage girl whose emotional's growth got stunned. Died. I didn't grow up in certain sense, emotionally. Infact, i grew much apart. Further away from my adoptive parents. Resentment started to sets in.
Then, feelings of rejections creeps in as well. Other siblings' needs seem to take priority over mine. I don't feel cared for. They struck me at the wrong places. They speak the wronglove language. Yes, they prefer to sweep things under the carpet instead of bringing it up to resolve it. It is their style. But it is not mine. As for me, healing comes only from open sharing.
I still have, at times, feels the pains of being an adopted child. Many a times, there will be prejudices & injustice. Bias. Tendency toward their own kids. Of course, many counsellors will tells you that it is my own sensitivity. Yes, I may be sensitive but those are real feelings. From observations, it is so real & true.
I still disagreed to some of my adoptive parents' actions, even now. Yes, I still live with them. They are not happy whenever I try to connect with my biological family. They will just ignore me or try to poke funs whenever concerns them. It is their way of handling pains, I suppose. This I just discovered from a book. People handle pains differently. Some will get a puff from cigarettes, some drinks, dance, exercise, works, verbal abusing others & others. And I felt that I gets the verbal abuse a lot. Not just verbal abuse but emotional abuse.
For instance, if there is a fight between me and one of their kids, I don't receive any defense. So, it seems to me I am left alone, like an orphan. But praise God, He never fails me. I found that only He hears all my pains. Collected all my tears in a bottle.
Yes, God have a plan to bless me, prosper me & give me a future. Amen!